Meditation Moment

November 3, 2011

I try to sit for 10 minutes every morning.  I just did that now, and had a straaaaange experience: a mini energy healing session. I can’t explain this stuff, my mind just stops.  So I’ll report my experience. Within minutes, I felt something I didn’t welcome.  Fear, something like that.  And instead of doing whatever […]

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At night

November 3, 2011

My Facebook status says I had a great day. It’s true, I did. But going to bed alone is hardest. I think of silly things, like the Alice in Wonderland chairs at the hotel we stayed at in Aspen. I’m not connected to my sadness, like I was all morning or while Skyping with Sam. […]

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Crying

November 2, 2011

Last night, trying to go to sleep around 2am, I was afraid I couldn’t cry any more.  I was afraid I’d lost the ground I gained.  I felt numb, read a few sports page articles.  I was uncomfortable in my own body. Just now, I cried at the Jose Feliciano lyrics “But you and I, […]

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Losing with composure

November 2, 2011

Tonight, the loss finally arrived.  Two days ago, I felt completely safe in loving relationship.  In between, I’ve been living with fear of losing her. The experience has broken my heart open, for the first time in my life. I spent these two days connecting with myself…  going through my morning routine – morning pages, […]

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About to blog more!

October 19, 2011

Is this actually a good idea? Promising more blog posts, mostly to myself? Well… I’d like to write a book (or several books) some day. That might actually require writing, and blogging is kind of like writing. Though I sure am tempted to just start video blogging instead…

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Love And Self-Love

September 26, 2011

If I only love myself 85% (in other words, conditionally), I’m screwed when it comes to loving others. (I tend to blog about surface-y things like sports. This is not surface-y.) This could be just a story. (If you’re not familiar with transformation work, stories are bad). But what else is a blog but a bunch […]

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Stop Bitching, Mihai

September 21, 2011

In soccer, much like life, complaining doesn’t do much for me. When I get frustrated, I ask for the ball with too much urgency.  I demand it, really.  NVC’s Marshall Rosenberg says the difference between a request and a demand is what you do when the answer is “no.”  Well, when I don’t get the […]

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100 Random Things I Love

September 21, 2011

playing soccer hip-hop music puppies and kittens sunsets rainbows riding my bike (especially coasting downhill) cute girls Mountain Dew sugar (sometimes I just crave it…  probably addicted) honesty hot tubs (or at least baths) the Russian word for bookstore (букинистический магазин) swimming in the ocean in January (at midnight, in Florida or Hawai’i) being warm […]

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Two Halves

August 28, 2011

Just played my first team soccer game (with referees and jerseys) in about eight years. First half, I felt overmatched, insufficient, slow. I judged myself, was not happy, wanted things to be different. My team was giving away goals in the back, we went down 6-1. At half time, I got present. I specifically remember […]

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Favorite Chores

August 20, 2011

Mihai: vacuuming, because I can see the immediate feedback, dirt going away, more perfection. Mike P: folding clothes, order out of chaos of a lump of clothes. Scott: washing the dishes, it’s meditation and he can imagine the food and family, what got them dirty. Ryan: taking the trash out, likes getting that shit out. […]

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