NWD 3, Day 3

by mihai on November 30, 2011

I would estimate I spent four hours today on my NWD commitments.  The impact is, I’m extremely clear about my purpose and why I’m doing it.  I’m also clear about who’s on my support team, what that means, and I’ve already had several clean-up conversations.

Why

I realize now that I’ve never known why I’m taking on this program.  The first time, the official NWD, I was kind of peer-pressured into it…  I eventually got some context out of Breann’s home-cooked version of the NWD.  The second time, my friend Andrew heard me talk about it and wanted to do it himself starting January 2nd, and I thought “Hey, why don’t I do it with him?”

So, it was both surprising and not surprising to realize that I didn’t have a clear why the third time around either.  The best answer I could give Adrial was, it came to me during morning pages.  But after having four conversations with my support team, here are three reasons why I’m doing it.

1. I want to be light and baggage-free in my next relationship(s).  This is a great practice for lovingly sanding the rough spots and touching myself up…  but not touching myself, that’s not allowed.

2. Integrity.  This is the biggest reason.  I love that Adrial called me out (I think he used “slimy” and “used car salesman,” as I tried to explain why I felt it was okay to accept my stepmom’s offer of a daiquiri (I’m giving up sugary drinks).  I don’t like hearing that, and I don’t like that it lands.  I know how good I am at wiggling out of commitments I make to myself, and the impact is, I don’t take myself seriously about the things that really matter in life.  Which leads me to…

3. Purpose.  I’m clear that my purpose in life (besides the Eckhart Tolle primary purpose of finding out who I am) is to transform education.  But I don’t go around being conscious all day.  I don’t, because it would fucking hurt, because I don’t trust myself to have the drive or the integrity to make it happen…  even though I do have the skills, the ideas and the charisma/connections.

Tom

Had a great talk this morning with Tom, who volunteered to be on my accountability/support team.
He had his own process, two years of giving up romantic relationships.  Here are some of the pieces I got.

  • One great reason to go through a NWD is to drop off some of my baggage, before I get into my next relationship.
  • Integrity was a key for Tom, so he told every woman upfront that he was not open to relationship.  He was taking care of them, and also himself.  I’m not sure yet how this applies, but it does bring up the question: how do I actually relate to women, given that initiating flirting is not an option?  I thought I did pretty well with Maia on Monday, asking her to let me know if she feels me sending sexual energy.  She was glad to help and we became a lot closer – in a very clean way.
  • There’s a big piece about him taking up ballroom dancing and therefore having a ton of options.
  • There’s the hope of the whole story of how he met Beth, and developed a deep friendship.  Agenda-less, he could share everything with her.
I need to sit down today for 25 minutes and do nothing but decide what I’m committing to giving up.
And, on a morning full of insight, meditation, connection and nature…  I’m really craving a fucking soda.  Badly.  If there were some Warcraft 3 scary creeps out there, I would gladly fucking fight them, risking life and limb, to get to a can of Pepsi.  I can almost feel that hit of sugar releasing through my system…  What’s up with that?!

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